The perils of being an august baby

I originally thought that being born in august was great. Birthday in the summer, always in the holidays so no school, usually hot/good weather and not near Christmas so good spacing for presents.

However, I have now discovered that being an august baby is actually complete shit. It's shit because I'm the baby meaning I'm the last to turn 18.

So right now as my friends go off the various clubs to drink until they no longer remember their names (or in watermelon's case starts biting people) I am sat on train returning home with a fully bottle of vodka (which i may drown my sorrows in or just drown myself in) hoping my dad has put the key by the cat flap so I can get in.

Yes I know underage drinking is bad and I'll ruin my liver and die blah blah blah. But my birthday is in literally 23 days. Of course that doesn't matter because I am still a minor (what I just got referred to as at a certain bar who might I say drink's are really ridiculously expensive even they do have candy floss cocktails).

People may ask why I want to get drunk tonight so badly, and its simply because it makes the night more fun; stops you worrying about stupid things like that you might catch an STD from the disgusting toilet and actually that guy looks nothing like Johnny Depp even if he turns that way. It also stops me from thinking of the consequences and that maybe telling someone you like is not a good idea in the cold light of day (not quite sure how good that actually is). But mainly I just want to be doing it with my friends; I want to enjoy the last summer with all of them together (drunk preferably)

People also may ask what the hell was the point of even trying if I knew I was underage and knew I had no ID? BECAUSE FUCKING COURTYARD NEVER HAS BOUNCERS AND LITERALLY ONLY UNDER 18'S PUT UP WITH THEIR SHIT! And guess what tonight the only night I have ever attempted this it has bouncers on the door. The one night I attempt to get in it has bouncers… its a bloody Tuesday for godsake. Then we decide lets go to revolution I may not be able to drink in there but we could by a bottle of vodka and swig it in the toilets #classyaf but no minors allowed in the bar after 7 -_-. This was when I realised the universe seemed to be sending me a message and it was probably the best for everyone if I just went home. Sigh.

And now to top off an already wonderful evening, Watermelon (who is 18) is texting me telling me where they ended up has no bouncers and they're not even IDing at the bar… marvellous, wonderful, just fucking fabulous darlingz. The universe really had it in for me tonight!

So I guess the moral to this story is don't drink if you're underaged kids or get fake ID or just drink at house parties whatever works for you

From a very pissed off and very sober Pineapple xx

(If Watermelon gets drunk enough she may post or I'll just get drunk messages from her… if I do I'll post them for you the beautiful internet to see )