However I am glad I did because one of those videos gave me the inspiration to write this blog post so rather than talking about my life to the internet I am going to direct this blog post to someone who is probably never going to see it but hey who cares maybe they will
So if you are like me a massive danisnotonfire fan then you may have guessed that it was his video that inspired me (it literally made my day that he actually unloaded something thank you god ie Dan) if however you have no idea who the hell I am talking about (seriously if you don't have you been living in a hole or do you just not internet??). Anyway if you have not see the video here is a link and go and watch and understand what the hell I am talking about (I'm the link)
There was specific part of Dan's video that struck a cord with me and that was about standing up for yourself. So I now take pride in the fact that I call people out on their shit and don't let people walk all over me but there was a time when that wasn't the case. This was when I was a little innocent (well maybe not innocent but definitely naive) year 7 and I didn't know how to do this or just never had needed to before.
So this is a letter to my ex-best friend Nuala Armstrong and yes maybe I shouldn't put her full name on the internet but if she sees it I want there to be no doubt in her mind its about her; its everything I wish I had said to her but never did (Finally I get to have my Janis Ian moment where I shout at Regina George its fucking brilliant.)
Dear Nuala
You are a horrible human being. What you did to me was one of the worst things anyone could do to a person. You were supposed to be my best friend but instead you decided to crush me.
Do you know how long it has taken me to get over the repercussion of you completely ditching me? 6 years. 6 YEARS. You obviously have no idea of how it affected me and probably think that I just got over it but surprisingly that's not how it worked out. It has taken me years of counselling to deal with the anger issues you caused within me. I also have serious trust issues and find it really difficult to be close with people.
You know what the worst part about this is that until about a year ago I didn't even blame you, I blamed myself, you made me feel like everything that happened was my fault because I wasn't good enough to deserve a friend like you.
But do you know what I realised its not me who doesn't deserve you its you that never deserved me. You opinion of me is so insignificant in the grand scheme of life and I wish I had realised this sooner because it would have saved me a huge deal of pain but it literally means less than nothing. Being popular in high school will never help when your not in high school. Being queen bee counts for nothing when you leave with shitty grades, hate to break it to you love but in the real world no on cares that people liked you at high school all they will care about is the fact you failed maths...
But you know what Nuala I am actually grateful for what you did. Yes it was difficult to get over the horrible issues caused by your bitchiness but you gave me something that I would never have gained without it. If I had never seen what a shitty person you are I may have ended up like you and god the idea of being anything like you is horrifying.
Really what I want to say is thank you for being the one of the nastiest humans I have ever come across because you showed me how not to live my life. Also I was not obsessed with you, I think maybe you were a little obsessed with yourself to think that.
So in the words of Janis SUCK ON THAT
Lots of love and kisses
Pineapple xxx
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